Why Remodeling is More Stressful for the Wife
Great insight from Jeff Opdyke:
So I see this experience as a lesson learned: When it comes to remodeling — and our kitchen is next — never equate your spouse’s silence with acceptance. Your passion about a project may overwhelm your partner into submission.
Another really huge point brought out by Amy Opdyke is that nearly all of the “enforcement” fell on her shoulders.
Not only did she have to deal with workers in the house each day, deal with the short-notice questions of preference that came up, take innumerable trips out for small parts and whatnots, but worst of all she had to…
be the bad guy.
It’s all too easy to let your wife get in that position.
I’ve seen it a hundred times. The husband really wants to have the rapport and respect of the contractor and the subs, and he hits it off great with them. They talk about football. He offers them a beer.
But when they don’t live up to their promises, he’s reluctant to confront.
So it falls on the shoulders of you-know-who.
Either partner can prevent this if they just know to expect it and deal with it proactively.
September 24th, 2007 at 9:08 pm
Still its not easy on her either even though I am doing nearly everything in the remodel (well the contractor & subcontractors do all the work, however seems like I am always busy with some decision that needs to be made).
Some other things that make it hard on the wife:
- THE DUST! Even areas that were “sealed off” still get dust somehow.
- Dishes in the bathroom sink are much more difficult to do than first imagined (we thought we would miss the oven most during the remodel - we actually miss the sink most - even more than the dishwasher)
- Having strangers in the house when we are not home stresses my wife out a LOT more than it does me.
- Finally - its easy to get so wrapped up in all the details of the remodel that you forget to spend time with your wife (other than time barraging with questions about remodel). If you have a good wife, like I do, she will understand but still its more stressful for a wife if she doesn’t have time to unwind and relax as a couple.
Thanks, I love the fineremodel blog - keep up the good work.
September 25th, 2007 at 10:58 am
Chris, thanks for the kind words. Sounds like you are remodeling your kitchen.
On the dust: Are you able to maintain “negative pressure” in the work area? That is the key. This can be accomplished with fans (or a vacuum during key periods, like drywall or floor sanding). It’s also important to try to keep doors and windows in the work area from standing wide open since this means pressure surges which will force the dust into the rest of the house.
The bottom line is you want the pressure in the work area to always be lower than in the house, so air is flowing toward that area. Another important factor is sealing up your ductwork. Hope you can get that solved. I know it’s a pain, and it also presents the risk of possible damage to electronics.
September 25th, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Great ideas on the negative pressure - maybe we should see a blog on that in the future ;). The contractor and various subcontractors have done all the work and I would say it was positive pressure, not negative that then pushed the dust everywhere. In addition the duct work in the kitchen and lines that went through the kitchen to other rooms were all torn open for large percentage of the time - giving a nice escape for the air pouring in through the open doors. Good news is that the dusty parts are all done - currently the cabinets are just finishing up. From here its granite, lights, appliances, painting etc - mostly non-dusty stuff.
FYI I am really enjoying the built-ins segment - its already giving me ideas to work on once the bank account recovers from being completely emptied by the kitchen project (which like you said in another post, once we started on it we realized how the kitchen flows into other rooms - soon a lot of things got added into the kitchen remodel as it was easier to do with the walls open or with the furniture moved out, so what started as a kitchen remodel ended up remodeling about 1/3 of our house)